Boxing Day.......

The big day has come and gone. The turkey has been cooked and eaten. The presents have been unwrapped, the company has come and gone. And now it's Boxing Day.

For anyone who has been fallowing my blog, you know that this is the day that we gather with my husbands family to celebrate Christmas. I put my foot down a while back and said that I was NOT going and DW was o-kay with that. As time passed I started to waver. Guilt started to creep in, ever so softly. I then started to second guess myself for the decision I had made. Then my stomach would start to feel uneasy any time I thought or talked about "Boxing Day". Then it happened....I caved.

Now Boxing Day is here and in a few hours I'll be heading into the lions den. So I guess I wasn't so stead fast on my choice. I am doing this for DW and the boys, no-one else. I'll sit there and behave, have pleasant chit-chat, smile and drink lots of wine.

As long as I don't leave there his year in tears, all will be okay. I have a very uneasy feeling over my whole body about today, I guess if past experiences dictate, I have many reasons to feel apprehensive. This is their last chance, weather they know it or not. Depending how today goes, I promise I will stick hard to my decision next year.

So with wine and gifts in-hand I'll be on my way. For better or worse, I married DW not his family.

To Give Away To A Good Home: Tween

First, I would like to thank Carrie for picking of the pieces this afternoon, when i had a total melt down.....it was very much appreciated

To make a long story short, I have a 12year old who will be 13 in 3 months, and life with him has become very difficult. Nope, he isn't rude, he isn't steeling, not doing drugs, he just can't seem to listen or do his homework. I know this doesn't seem all that bad, but it has been a struggle for some time and it has reached it's boiling point.

Maybe I have set to high of expectations of him, maybe I've cleaned up the mess one two many times, maybe, maybe, maybe......

This afternoon as my blood pressure was rising right along with my voice, I realized that there is nothing in this world I can do to make him listen and do what is asked. Very simple task if you ask me...have his agenda signed by 5 teachers every day and to hand assignments on time. (he forgot this one in his locker) . I know, it sounds very lame, I should be happy that he isn't doing crack, or gang baning, packin' heat or whatever else it is that kids today do. And I am happy he isn't doing anything "really" wrong. Actually, I am very proud that he isn't into that stuff.

He is an intelligent, polite, sensitive guy. He has lots of friends and has a great but sarcastic sense of humor. (not sure where he gets the sarcasm from) I just want him to see the potential that he has. The opportunities before him, the possibilities. Is that too much to ask? I guess, I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did and miss what he could have. I want him to have a better life than we have, not that ours is bad, 'cause it isn't, I just want him to have better.

I will be proud of him no matter what, but what parent doesn't want the best for their child? Unfortunately he needs to get the habits he needs for the future today. I have taken things away, when he can't follow through, I reward him when it is deserved. It doesn't work! Things have flown from my mouth that I haven't meant, but it's too late the damage is done. (not winning parent of the year, yet again!) I have told him I am going to send him away to live with a relative or to a boarding school. Yeah, that didn't work either, I'm sure I have now scared him for life and have done massive damage to his self-esteem, but yet he doesn't get the point nor the message.

It breaks my heart every time we go through this, I just feel so drained. I know it will get better. (I hope).

In the end, no he isn't free to a good home, not even for sale for the right price, I'll keep him (for now) I love him with all my being, I always will.

Ho Ho Ho

Life has a funny way of catching up on you. We are just over two weeks shy from Christmas and I am dreading it with every fiber of my being. Not actually Christmas itself, but the stuff that goes with it.

I'm still at odds with Dw's family, unknown to them that I have issues. I could not fathom what would happen if I actually expressed how I felt about things. If I thought I was cut off now, all ties would be severed. I know I've told Dw that I refuse to go to his parents house for Boxing Day and I have been really strong and sticking to that. Now that the day is getting closer, every time I think about it I start to feel guilty and second guess my decision. I know it's the right one for me, but is the right one for my family? I guess we will have to sit down and have a chat about it. I'll deal with it, I'll get over it, I'll rant about it until it's done.

The tree is decorated, the house is prettied up and the outside looks good. The 20 cm of snow we received today made it look very festive. I even have the stockings hung. Now, just to wrap the presents. Man I hate to wrap, is there anyone out there willing to do it for me. I never get the edges straight, always way too much paper left at the ends and when you fold it up it gets all bunchy. I never have ribbon to match the paper or bow and the name tag never stays on. When I'm done it looks like a small child did it.

Well it's been a while since I last posted...... but not really to much to catch up on.

I have 9 shifts at work left, or two weeks from today I'll be stating my Christmas break, for 6 days. Yes it will be nice to be off, but I'll be busy enough around the house. All those last minute preparations for the big guys arrival.

I feel bad that I sound like a bit of a Scrooge, so I am going to try and spreed some holiday cheer. I was inspired today by a lady who was parked beside me at the mall. I was loading the van up with my purchases, when I noticed the lady beside me clearing my windshield for me. I smiled and said thank you, she said "I was doing mine anyway. Have a happy holiday" Then she got in her car and drove away. When I opened the door to the van, I pulled out my snow-brush and cleaned of the car beside me, got back in and drove home. Hopefully it made some one's day a bit brighter. I'm not looking for a pat on the back, but I guess you could say in that moment "it" was contagious and I am glad I caught it.