So Long.....

Just a quick little note to say Good-Bye....I can't seem to find time to do this any more....as you can tell it has been months since I last posted something.....so this is it....I may, some time in the future start this over again...but for now I am done....thanks for reading.

One Step Forward.....Two Steps Back

Talking about running around like a chicken with your head cut off.......

I just can't seem to get ahead. We are trying to sell our house. Now to be perfectly honest, I haven't been working overly hard on the whole "trying to get it ready thing". We have been uber busy with the boys and ball and just haven't found the time.

Now in the last month, i have been able to purge my kitchen somewhat, get rid of some furniture, and keep the house reasonable neat. Lowe and behold one of my sisters friends is now interested in seeing my house...tomorrow at 8pm.....yep, that's right. And I am no where near being ready for that. I have cleaned the basement and have left the children in charge of their rooms....but hubby is out playing ball and I am feeling over whelmed. The basement looks good....like a basement that a family uses, not a museum. But then I turn around and look in Zach's rum...and OMG...rechid....i have been asking him for about two weeks to clean his room...apparently he has the attention span of a pea..."oh hey lets clean my room" two seconds later "Ohhh what's that shinny thing" Really....is this the help I'm gonna get...'cuase if it is...there is no way I'm getting any of this shit done.

I figure I will leave the main level until I get home tomorrow night, so it is on to the up stairs....my room hasn't seen the light of day in about 6 years, that is where unused stuff goes to die...not to mention there is hockey border...when I am finished here I will try and tackle that mass...Carter just knows better and stays out of my way...but just when I think I've got something done, something bigger and badder needs to be done....talk about one step forward, two steps back!!

I hope and pray that they look at the house for what it can be, not what I use it. How I want to cry, just curl up in a little ball and cry like a baby. How did I let it get this far. Not that we are pack rats and there is no place to walk in the place, there is just soooo much stuff to do. At least I know I'm good at something...procrastinating....

I must run now and tackle the up stairs....wish me luck...

Boys Will Be Boys.....

Two boys, a camera, Daddy still sleeping........

Found: The Point

(must read blog from Monday May 18th first)


Ahhhhggg.

That's pretty much all I can muster....and I am never speechless.

Just when I thought I had been a little too rough on my Out-Laws in yesterdays post, a little birdie said "go and look at the dates of the email". As I usually do, I listened to the tiny voice in my head, and what did I discover? That my sons Grandparents sent him the email, the day after his birthday. Oh wait....it gets better....his Aunt posted a Birthday message on my Facebook for him (blah blah blah blah blah blah), exactly 13 minutes later we received a email money transfer from his other Aunt, with a note saying email card sent to hawthorne0373. NICE.....really f#$%ing NICE. To boot....it was two days late...completely forgot...not even a clue when it was, if it hadn't been for that Facebook post.


My point is all the above. And some people wounder WHY I am so hard on them. Just when I think I am being a total idiot....this happens. Really, is it just me blowing all of this out of proportion, or are they the freakin' idiots. Do I have Carter call and thank them? (for what, forgetting his Birthday?)




These last two posts pretty much sum it up. This shows and proves everything I have thought is true...it isn't all in my head after all.

I would prefer if they just wouldn't have bothered. I know now they only bothered because they forgot. When it was my nieces Birthday, the last week of April, I made a point to send the card 5 working days before hand and then sent an email confirming that she received it the day of, also wishing her a Happy Birthday. BECAUSE I didn't forget.... (did i tell you they were late with Zach's too)



When is this ever going to end...... at least I know my point has been found. (and made)

Lost (and not Found)

No matter how upset you are at your own child, how could you not acknowledge his birthday? It shouldn't matter how you feel or think. It's just the right thing to do.

April 5th came and past without a nod of any type or toward DW. So it really shouldn't have surprise me, after all, when Zach turned 13 a week earlier, he only received a card with some money from his Grandparents, an email money transfer form his Aunt, and a check two weeks after form his other one. Ohh, wait...Grampa did call(when he knew no one would be home) and left a voice message.

My baby turned 10 on Sunday, and I guess his Grandparents are still taking their anger at us out on the boys. Carter received an email and a shout out on Facebook. I know the cards will be coming this week but my God pick up the f#%^ing phone. Are you SO afraid you might have to make contact with us? We do have a thing called call display, we would have just told one of the boys to answer it. They wouldn't have to talk to me or DW.

At first I was angry and wanted to pick up the phone and yell at them, then it was disappointment, now as I write this I feel pity for them. Pity, that they would hold such grudges against children. They are suppose to be the adults. Their beef is with us, not the boys. As they continue to act this way, they are doing more damage to their relationship with their grandchildren than they will ever know.

Two weeks ago, we purchased Mother's Day cards for the all the Grandmothers and a Birthday Card of Great Grandma. The boys signed them and mailed them off. Then on Mothers Day, they asked to call my Mom, but not Dw's. That was there choice not mine. I did remind them on Tuesday that It was Great Grandma's Birthday and suggested that they call, which they did. They had a great chat with her, but we were the ones who initiated the call, yes it was her Birthday, butit wasw the first time since Christmas that they had talked to her.

If DW's parents REALLY want a relationship with our boys then they need to step up and call them, not send one line emails. How about spend some time with them? The boys would love to go spend some time with them. In their eyes, it should be us (Me & DW) who should be making contact for the boys. You are about to lose these boys for good.

Old Friends

I cannot begin to tell you how elated I am to have had a very old friend find me.....

Gayle and I met in North Bay about 1992 or '93. I can't ever remember how we met, but we became fast friends. Who, I might add spent a lot of time together. We also, may have gotten into some trouble together too! There are very few people I actively search for on Facebook, Gayle was one. In the end she found me.

We may have only been friends for a short time, but we shared soooo much. Good times, bad times, some really funny times. Our physical friendship ended when she moved back to America. We kept in contact for a while, but as life often does, life itself, got in the way. She was such a support for me. I actually cried when I got her message on Facebook tonight. I can hardly wait until we have time to catch up.
There is so much I want to tell her and ask her. I want to know how life for her has turned out. I do know she got married about 10 years ago.

It will be hard to get this smile off my face......

And who says "Nothing Good can come from Facebook."?

You Asked For It......

For some time now, I have been thinking about leaving my job in search of a new career. Like everything else I do in life, I've been procrastinating about it. But when I sit down to think about my job, my chosen profession, it isn't the actual work that I do that is the problem, it's a number of my co-workers that are the problem.

People don't seem to respect the job they do. By no means is it glamours, but do your job well, have some pride. I am not a model employee, but I arrive for work on time. I punch in properly, I park in our designated parking spots. I do what is asked of me. I don't take advantage of my co-workers and take extra long breaks, or leave them with majority of the work.

Sometimes it is just the simple tasks, like, turning on the hall lights, signing checklists....no, they all leave it for me, because "Wendy will do it". News flash people...Wendy is tired of doing it and as of right now, Wendy is going on a silent, but deadly strike. I will no longer do the tasks you so conveniently forget about. I will no longer keep my mouth shut to my Nurse manager, Director of Care and Executive Director that you have been late every day for the last 5 days, that you leave early, take extra time all the time for all your breaks, and so on.....I am done being the nice guy...you want a bitch to work with...you got one.

If people would just follow the rules, things would go much smoother. Things would get done, and most important Wendy would be happy.

Now, my coworkers are not solely to blame, but management for some time has turned a blind eye to all the shenanigans for some time and refuse to crack down. So no wonder why the natives are running wild...no one but me seems to notice.

I guess I've become a bit annal about my job in the last few years, things are done a certain way....not because Wendy says so (God, I only wish) but because that is what the Ministry of Health and Long Term Care says! People just don't seem to understand that. They think that our superiors just make this stuff up, but they don't realize that, they to, (our bosses) have rules to fallow too.

You know the saying...shit roles down hill...so when these people don't do the little tasks that they should be doing...like serving the dining room in proper order.....and they get caught we all get in trouble...because of this, I take these little tasks into my own hands, thus I know they will be done, and done correctly.

To any of my co-workers who my stumble upon this...please, please, please....Give a DAMN, and have some PRIDE too!

Just Stop....Please

First and foremost...STOP, STOP, STOP!!!!!

Second.....this is not directed at anyone....but at everyone out in Cyber Land.....(like anyone really reads my blog)

STOP having hissy fits and throwing tantrums, like well seasoned three year olds, on the net.

STOP using your facebook/msn/twitter (and/or whatever other kind of social networking thingy you may have and use) to broad cast your disdain, disgust, disappointment, and disconnect about your friends/family's actions/reactions. (most of us are guilty of this....some way more than others....right now I know there is one one FB update that is aimed right smack dab at me...over a miscommunication....)
STOP thinking that the way things happen are a personal injustice against you and that it has been planned and plotted for weeks.

STOP and think! Pick up the phone and maybe talk about the "injustice" you may be feeling. It is so much healthier for both sides of the relationship. It doesn't have to be a fight or an argument. Friends and family are aloud to disagree but they are also suppose to be able to turn to one another and talk about what is bothering you.

This doesn't mean I don't like any of you who may be an offender or for that matter a repeat offender. This just means that I would hope you have more respect for me to call me and tell me you're pissed or that you have a beef or even to just clarify the incident in question. FYI...I took my own advice and called someone in regards to the mentioned miscommunication message.....

I am very guilty of some of the things mentioned in this blog....but I really try to keep my "updates" ambiguous, so as not to point the finger but poke fun...my favorite "Wendy is washing her hands" the next day it was "Wendy is looking for a towel to dry her clean hands on" I was referring to my own personal war with my in-laws and that I was very done with them....but you couldn't tell from what I had written.

So from now on.....STOP on by and we will chat....or call.

Work In Progress

I have so many things I want to share in this...but at the same time I want to keep them to myself. And that's what I've been doing for the last little while, keeping it all to myself.

I am not afraid to share with people my opinion or give them advice, be it, that it might not not always be what they want to hear. But, I have a very hard time sharing what is really inside. I'm not sure if it is for fear of someone actually knowing me,or their react on to it.

I like to think of myself as a "Work In Progress". I am forever trying to fix things about myself/life/relationships/etc or, at least improve them. Sometimes it's lonely, very lonely. Sometimes I just don't want anyone around. Sometimes
I want to scream until I have no voice left.

I'' keep you posted on the construction project.

I am....

I noticed that it has been a while since I've blogged.

Everyday I come across something or something stupid happens and I think...I'm gonna blog about that tonight....I get home and yep, can't remember what it was I was going to rant about. I seriously sit down in front of a blank page night after night thinking....what was that I was doing today that I wanted to blog about....That's how exciting my life is.

I really didn't want to bitch anymore about the other "Hawthorne's", 'cause there is much more to me than my husbands family.

I am by no means perfect, I actually have quite a few glitches. I am not sure if there is enough time/ space on this blog for me publicly announce them. I can though, give you the names of a few people, who will very kindly point them out for you. I do however, like to entertain the idea that I have some unequivocal attributes.

I love and adore both my husband and my children like there is no tomorrow.

I enjoy a good "glass" of wine

I follow through with my commitments

I really appreciate the little things

I have a very sarcastic sense of humor

I’m open minded (most of the time)

I could go on and on and on...just joking...but in all seriousness I think every once in a while people need to slow down and and look at the positive things in life...we are surrounded by so much negativity.

I hope you have a good day

Good-Bye.....

I have been pretty quiet lately, not whining about my in-laws and all that crap that goes along with them. Quit a bit has happened since I last mentioned them on Boxing Day, but I didn't want to blog about "them " and me being done with the family.

Long storey short.....I had enough, and told the whole lot of them that "I am done with this family" and left. I know, I know, real nice. Dw attempted a few times to fill in the blanks for them, but they would would not respond. Finally, we got them to agree to us going to a meeting at their house so we could try and fix things. I will spare you the drama of it all. We thought it went well and that the family could work on mending things. Ummm, no go! Two days later Dw's mom calls to chew him abut about a few points that she stewed over for forty-eight hours and would not listen to anything he had to say. I in-turned fired off an email to correct her on a few things that she could not see (I also CC'd it to my sister in-law). Needless to say it has been two weeks and there has been no contact. To boot, every-time I sign into MSN, they all of a sudden appear away. Whatever. This blog is my Goodbye letter to them, the one they will never receive but the one I must write.

Dear @#$%^ and @#$%^

WE are truly sorry that think=gs have had to come to this. When we went to speak with you, we truly thought that things might get better. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I write this with sadness but no regret. You have failed to put your feelings for US aside and are now going to miss out on two truly wonderful young men. You will never be able to experience the full joy these two can bring. You will not watch them grow-up nor mature. You have failed to express any thing toward our sons since. We would never have stopped you or stepped in the way, but you never even so much as tried. I am sure by now you're yelling at eh computer and saying "They never called us", but they are 9 & 12, you're the adults. We aren't even sure if the magnitude of this loss has fully impacted on you or even if you care.
We know, that through various channels, you have been able to know what is going on in our lives, yet you have done nothing . YOU have a grandson that has to have a growth removed from his chest and yet you choose to hold grudges and stay bitter instead of trying to reach out to make sure he is ok or in isn't in need of something. Your character has shone through brightly for us to see. We will forever look forward but we will not forget that it was us who tried and it you who washed there hands.

Us.

Thanks, But I'll Just Have To Do It Myself

I love my husband. I love that he wants to help around the house,'cause I don't have enough time to do it all. I love the fact that he tries, but Ssmetimes I think he just shouldn't try.



Today, he started to clean the main bathroom, just before I got home from work. Fair enough. Upon arriving home, he wanted me to inspect the job he had done. Needless to say he didn't realize that when you scrubbed the tub, you need to wash the tile too. He missed some spots in the tub, you could clearly see where he had scrubbed and what he missed. Now, I think it is absolutely awesome that he wants to help, but really I end up doing it myself anyway. And That's just what I did. I got down on my knees and started scrubbing.

When we fold laundry, not so much the clothing but the towels, I have re-fold what he has done. It' isn't that I don't like his folding, he just doesn't fold it neatly. Trust me, I've showed him a few times.

Dwayne is great at being the first one to clean the kitchen after a meal. Unfortunately he forgets that the counter, cupboards and table need to be wiped down,not to mention the floor being swept.

I'm kind of use to it by now. I know that I will probably have to touch up something or redo it completely when he is not looking. The other day Dw removed the soggy wet mat from the front door and hung it to dry in the basement, (perfect, I was tired of my socks getting wet every time I went down to the door) but he replaced it with one of my relatively good towels. Well at least I didn't have to refold it.

I know he means well. I guess I have some more training to do.

Is ther a Cure for Health Care?

I some-times think that way to many of us take our "free" health care system for granted. I am fortunate enough that my children have a Pediatrician. As for Dw and myself...we've been through 3 doctors in 8 years and have currently been without one since 2007. We get by....

Carter got sick this week, and really sick Thursday night. He was complaining of an ear ache...no big deal, he could wait until morning. WRONG...it was like having a toddler in the house with an ear ache all over again. We were up every two hours and he was miserable. I don't think any of us got much sleep. I had to work a full shift in the morning and Dw only had half a day to put in, so we doped Mr.C up and hoped it would work until Dw could get him to a clinic. Dw was able to have Carter in and out of the walk-in and the prescription picked up with in an hour. The doc that looked at Carter said that his ear was really swollen and that we should watch for a rupture. Sure enough by the time I got home from work the ear drum had ruptured, and it wasn't pussy fluid it was all blood. Carter continued to complain of pain, usually after a rupture the pain subsides, not in our case.

I called the clinic that he had gone to earlier, told them what had happened and they said for me to take him to the hospital. Fine, no big deal. But Friday, at four o'clock in the middle of snow squalls, there was no way I was taking him to CHEO. At 4:10 in the afternoon we land in the emerge department of the Queensway Carleton Hospital. The triage nurse was very nice and she got our info and his vitals rather quickly. But that's as fast as things moved for the remainder of the night.

At eight, Carter was begging to go home, he was tired of waiting, tired of seeing other people who had been there shorter time being treated, he was frustrated and he was in pain.

I as frustrated. I was up set for my child and I made the decision to leave. I understand he was not a priority, but my goodness it was horrible, four and a half hours. I wouldn't have gone to the hospital but the clinic told me to take him there and not back to them. How bad is our health care system, that a nine year old begs to go home. Home we went. I gave him tylenol a dose of his antibiotic, made sure he drank some fluids and sent him off to bed. Of course, shortly after we left, they called his name. The reality...we would have sat and waited another hour or two in the cubical for the doctor to see him.

Carter is feeling better today, I will make an appointment for early in the week to take him to his doctor, just to make sure everything is okay. Dw and I had agreed that if things got any worse he would take Carter to the hospital in Almonte, where he would have been seen in about 20 min. Sad, that I would have to take him to a rural community hospital to get better service. Who says bigger is better.

I am sure we can all tell a similar story that tells the state of Ontario health care today. I hope that a cure for it will soon be found.

And Now...

Today, I find myself sitting in front of the computer trying to think of something to write about.........and yeah, pretty much nothing comes to mind. Life has been quiet lately and pretty much uneventful.I guess you could say I'm content.

Being content isn't a bad thing. I actually think it is a great thing. I am at peace with myself and others around me. I have this overwhelming feeling of closeness to DW that has seemed to just grow around us. We've always been close...he's my husband ,my best friend, my sole mate, yet there seems to be something new to our relationship. I know he feels it too. We aren't treating each other any differently but you can just feel it around us. We laugh more, joke more talk more. I guess this is what happens as a deep relationship grows and matures.

When I was seventeen, I told DW I was going to marry him some day...he told me I was the craziest girl he had ever met....12 years later and nine years of marriage, I was right and now I'm content....wow!

I sometimes miss the wild and crazy party girl I once was. Don't get me wrong, she is still in here, just a little older, a little more mature and very content with the way thngs turned out.

Milestone

Today is a day of many milestones. For some, they see Obama's Oath of Office as one, others, their baby's first smile.

"A milestone is a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the like of a person, nation, etc."

We have all passed our own milestones and markers on this rode we call life. Everything from your first tooth, your first date, your first kiss, are all milestones along this journey. Some milestones are easier to bare that others. Some of them are even repetitive and turn into a solemn reminder of the ones we have loved and those we have lost.

A friend of mine is passing yet another milestone in her life today. She will continue to pass this marker every year. I cannot promise her that the pain will go away nor the loss she feels, but I can tell her, the wound does heel. Cherish the memories,the laughter, the happy times.



"Milestones are constructed to reassure travellers that the proper path is being followed"

In Need Of One Free Home Organizer......

Help. I need help. In many ways, yes I do need help. Today, however I am looking for something specific.....I need to organize my house. This might not sound so bad to you, let's just say I am over whelmed. I don't know where to start or what project I need to tackle first.

My house isn't dirty, it may be at times a little messy but WEhave a lot of stuff. I am somewhat of a pack rat, but I will part with things. I don't want to party with everything,'cause some day I wont be living in this 900 square foot house and I will need that stuff.

I think of a project I want to start, map out how to do it, what needs to be done and then I get butterflies in my stomach....and I just can't do it. It seems so overwhelming and daunting to me and I just give up and then, I feel frustrated.



It doesn't help that I have two rather large boys, a large dog and a big teddy bear for a husband. I think if push came to shove they would be more than willing to help, but I have to be the one pushing and shoving. Like I said I get overwhelmed and then just don't do it.

So what I need is free help form someone who is willing to help me pull my head out of the sand and get me on task, not just one day but for several. There are drawers to be cleaned out, closets to go through, rooms to rearrange. I need to paint, putty and do something with the floors. Did I mention the walls in my kitchen or the fact that I need to purge my cupboards.

Now that I look at that list, I just want to toss my hands up in the air and say I give....

I have plenty of time in the evening to do it, so time isn't a factor. It isn't a question of being lazy or even procrastinating (even though I am very good at that). It just feels like I am in the deep end I cannot get to the surface for air.

I will now go look at my list of things I need to do and pretend it doesn't exist.

These Boots Are Made for Walking.....

Every morning when I arrive at work, I go into the women's locker room, open my locker, take my shoes out, remove my boots and put my shoes on. I shut my locker, place my boots neatly in front of my locker, hang my coat up and proceed to the floor. Just after three, when my shift is over, I go the the locker room and my boots have moved. Not a an inch or two but about 10 feet away. This just doesn't happen once in a while but every freakin' day.

They are tossed amongst a bunch of other shoes and boots that belong to people who don't have lockers. (No,I don't have a problem with homeless shoes) I now have to find them. Usually, one is under the bench and the other is hidden by three shoes. Almost like it is playing hid and seek with me. I am not sure how or why this happens but it is really staring to get under my skin.

Do they sneak off to make out with other foot apparel when no one is looking? Are co-workers kicking them around? Do people just think that this is where I want them, instead of in front of my locker? Is there a ghost going around sniffing the boots and shoes then just tossing them around when he or she is done? Does someone have a shoe fetish that I am unaware of? I just don't get it.

Maybe it's the cleaning crew....

O-Kay, a word to the wise, when you move something to clean under it, put that it back where you found it.

I'm Back.....

The new year has come and gone and we are now half way through January.

Same old stuff going on at the Hawthorne abode. We tend to be a bit boring at times.

Zach has started this term off really well, doing homework,studying...I think some strange life form has taken over his body.

Carter is his normal self...9 going on 17. A mind full of questions that he already has the answers for. But he'll ask them anyway.(then tell you his answer)

DW is busy at work. For the first time in a very long time he is working on Friday mornings, but he is now home earlier in the evening, which is taking a bit to get used to. Not that this is a bad thing. When he was working the long days and no Fridays he wasn't getting home until shortly after 5, now he is home just before 4. That whole hour our makes a big difference. We are usually done eating and doing the dishes by 5:30. Last night, he even had the dog walked by 6pm and that usually doesn't occur until 7:30ish.

I have developed an addiction....my own personal heroin....Twilight.... Book one took four nights, book 2 took only 8 hours (over two nights). Book three has now come into my possession....guess what I'll be doing when I'm done here....

This evening I gave in and went to see the movie....all things considered, it was okay. I think you would truly need to read the book to understand the movie. It's not that movie missed anything, as there is only so much you can put into a two hours.

It was a good night, well except for the drive home, white out conditions and gusting winds are always fun. I went with Carrie, my "twilight" dealer. We opted for the 4:40 showing. Being cheep night we thought that this would be our best choice...right after work...smaller crowds,blah, blah blah....lol

Well, we arrived with 10 minutes to spare, sauntered up to the concession stand where I ordered the largest pop and popcorn you could and Carrie opted for the nacos and pop. We meander to our screen and start looking for seats...yeah there was only 8 other people in the room....I think we had our pick of seats. O-kay lets be realistic, the movie has been out for a while...it isn't going to be packed, even busy...I think all the 17 year olds in Ottawa have now now seen the movie, at least twice.

The movie is going along and we are enjoying it, making the odd comment (that is just sooo unusual for us)and right in the middle of the big fight seen, I lean over to Carrie and tell her the need I have to use the "little girls room" but that I can wait to the movie ends......not that i don't know what happens, I told you, it's like my own personal heroin ....a few moments later I starts to go all "Rainman", rocking back and forth, trying to kill the urge to go pee...like I said ...it's not like i don't know what happens. My teeth are floating, I have shifted in my seat a gazillion times and now I'm starting to sweat....real nice....
I kept comparing the movie to the book to figure out how much time I had left...needless to say I didn't get to see the credits nor the black and white artsy flashes from the movie....I missed the stampede out to of the room and b-lined it to the bathroom. Lesson learned from this whole adventure? Don't drink that much pop during a two hour movie again


PS I owe a big THANK YOU to Carrie for getting me to blog again. I just didn't feel up to it. It feels good to be back.