First, I would like to thank Carrie for picking of the pieces this afternoon, when i had a total melt down.....it was very much appreciated
To make a long story short, I have a 12year old who will be 13 in 3 months, and life with him has become very difficult. Nope, he isn't rude, he isn't steeling, not doing drugs, he just can't seem to listen or do his homework. I know this doesn't seem all that bad, but it has been a struggle for some time and it has reached it's boiling point.
Maybe I have set to high of expectations of him, maybe I've cleaned up the mess one two many times, maybe, maybe, maybe......
This afternoon as my blood pressure was rising right along with my voice, I realized that there is nothing in this world I can do to make him listen and do what is asked. Very simple task if you ask me...have his agenda signed by 5 teachers every day and to hand assignments on time. (he forgot this one in his locker) . I know, it sounds very lame, I should be happy that he isn't doing crack, or gang baning, packin' heat or whatever else it is that kids today do. And I am happy he isn't doing anything "really" wrong. Actually, I am very proud that he isn't into that stuff.
He is an intelligent, polite, sensitive guy. He has lots of friends and has a great but sarcastic sense of humor. (not sure where he gets the sarcasm from) I just want him to see the potential that he has. The opportunities before him, the possibilities. Is that too much to ask? I guess, I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did and miss what he could have. I want him to have a better life than we have, not that ours is bad, 'cause it isn't, I just want him to have better.
I will be proud of him no matter what, but what parent doesn't want the best for their child? Unfortunately he needs to get the habits he needs for the future today. I have taken things away, when he can't follow through, I reward him when it is deserved. It doesn't work! Things have flown from my mouth that I haven't meant, but it's too late the damage is done. (not winning parent of the year, yet again!) I have told him I am going to send him away to live with a relative or to a boarding school. Yeah, that didn't work either, I'm sure I have now scared him for life and have done massive damage to his self-esteem, but yet he doesn't get the point nor the message.
It breaks my heart every time we go through this, I just feel so drained. I know it will get better. (I hope).
In the end, no he isn't free to a good home, not even for sale for the right price, I'll keep him (for now) I love him with all my being, I always will.
I love ya hun, hang in there - you've only got 4 years and 3 more months to go - that's not that much time. He's young, on the verge of becoming a man-child - and all you can do is see that he makes it out to the other side alive - and if you're all still sane, then you'll get nominated for the awards!
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